


I'm not saying Kylo Ren and Matt the radar tech are the same person, but have you ever seen them in the same room?

by till_owlyglass



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 06:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8654707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/till_owlyglass/pseuds/till_owlyglass
Summary: It was only meant to be a simple week undercover in order to track down a rumoured Resistance spy. But now Kylo's pissed because Hux thinks it's funny to mess with him, constantly calling him to deal with problems which he knows damn well Kylo can't fix.
Meanwhile Hux is absolutely oblivious, too busy trying to come up with excuses to see the cute new radar tech again.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing this on and off for months so I'm glad to finally get it finished and posted. This entire story was inspired by [this post on Tumblr](http://thenameisgreed.tumblr.com/post/138096879511/imagine-if-you-will) which I found very funny. Thank you to the users who posted it!

**XXX**

 

It all starts with Ren on his hands and knees with his head stuck beneath a console on the bridge, trying to solve an electrical fault which he is in no way qualified to deal with.

Intelligence had intercepted and decoded a Resistance message which mentioned an undercover agent who had been sent to infiltrate the _Finalizer_ in order to gain intel and create havoc where possible. And so Kylo had donned the garb of a radar tech, a fluffy blond wig and thick glasses and a nametag which proudly proclaimed his name to be ‘Matt’, with the intention of mixing with the crew of the ship in order to weed out the spy.

Kylo yanks hard on a wire and the resulting shower of sparks which explodes from the console above him makes Lieutenant Colonel Zack, who had been leaning upon it while he waited for it to be fixed, shriek and stagger away.

Kylo – or Matt – backs out from under the console and stands to face Zack, who is staring at him speechless and wide-eyed, his uniform slightly singed, “Sorry. I don’t know what you’ve been doing with this thing but it’s really wrecked.” he shrugs, “I’m going to have to send somebody else up here to do a complete rebuild. I can’t say how long it’ll take.”

“Okay? Thanks for trying, I guess?” Zack splutters.

Kylo nods and begins packing his tools away, already wondering how he’s going to explain to his imposing supervisor Leslie that he hasn’t been able to fix the console. She’s already yelled at him once this morning for not knowing how to rewire a calcinator.

He’s about to leave the bridge when he spots Hux standing up near the viewports just… _staring_. Great, the man has obviously seen through his disguise. The last thing he needs is General Ginger sticking his nose in where it doesn’t belong and blowing his cover

 

**XXX**

 

It all starts when Hux sees the most perfect backside he has ever laid eyes upon sticking out from under a console on the bridge.

He’d been striding across to ask Unamo to give him the latest report on arrivals and departures when it had caught his attention and caused him to literally stop and stare. Utterly grabbable and attached to a long pair of shapely legs, Hux can’t remember the last time he saw a sight so fine.

Then the man dislodges himself from the crawlspace and Hux is delighted to find that the full package is just a good; he’s tall – _very_ tall – with broad shoulders and strong arms, his hair is thick and very blond and, while the glasses he wears are a little unfortunate, the face behind them is striking.

He briefly converses with a Lieutenant Colonel, picks up his tools and is almost out the door when he looks back over his shoulder…right at Hux, who feels every nerve in his body jolt.

Three days later and Hux has not only discovered the man’s identity (his name is Matt, he’s a radar technician and has only just arrived on the _Finalizer_ after requesting a transfer) but has called Maintenance four times to request him specifically to attend to his problems.

First to see to his broken datapad which Hux had accidentally dropped on the floor three times until the screen cracked. Matt brings a replacement and transfers the user chip while Hux tries to make conversation.

“I understand you’re a recent addition to our crew. Where were you posted before coming here?”

“The _Conqueror.”_

“Ah, under Commander Alpin. What was the reason behind your transfer request, may I ask?”

“Your datapad is done, sir.”

“Oh. Thank you, Matt.”

The next day he’s back with a new holoprojector after Hux cracked his own open and removed some crucial components. Later that afternoon he’s back again with another after the replacement received the same treatment. On the third day Matt is on his knees giving Hux a very nice view of his quite frankly spectacular backside while he attempts to fix the controls on his office door, which Hux had beat repeatedly with a heavy paperweight and then tore out some of the wires behind for good measure.

Each time the General attempts to draw Matt into conversation but the tech only ever responds in grunts, monosyllables or at most blunt sentences which barely give Hux anything to go on, he doesn’t believe he’s heard Matt speak any more than six words in a row. He assumes that it’s because he is shy, and actually finds it refreshing to be near a well-built attractive man who wasn’t obnoxiously aware of his good looks and thus prone to posturing and peacocking. Hux decides that if he intends to make any progress, then a more direct approach is necessary.

 

**XXX**

 

If anyone were to be so bold or foolish to assert that Hux was planning a seduction he would categorically deny it. He merely wants to cut an impressive and attractive figure when Matt walks through the door to his private quarters to fix whatever it is Hux needs fixing next (he hasn’t decided exactly what yet). That’s why he has shed his greatcoat, gloves, belt and tunic and is currently staring at himself in his 'fresher mirror, locked in the debate of whether he should undo two or three buttons on his shirt. He finally settles on two and then busies himself rolling his sleeves up to his elbows and shrugging his braces off his shoulders, allowing them to hang down either side of his thighs. After a brief moment of consideration, he runs his fingers through his hair, carefully mussing it until a scrap lies upon his forehead, making him look somewhat rakish and dashing, he thinks.

_Good, very nice indeed_.

Now he needs a reason for summoning Matt here. The exposed pipes beneath the sink catch his eye and, in moment of inspiration, he puts his boot squarely upon them and presses down with all his weight. The pipes don’t move though and so Hux resorts to kicking them as hard as he can, once again to little effect. With a huff of annoyance he retrieves his First Order allocated Blaster from the other room, takes aim at the pipes and fires. The resulting shot is almost deafening in the tiled 'fresher but Hux knows he doesn’t have to worry about anyone hearing it - all of the officers rooms are soundproofed, a fact which may come in handy later this evening if his work pays off (okay, so _maybe_ he is planning a seduction but he’s not about to admit it out loud). The shot hits its mark and immediately the pipes begin spilling water out onto the floor. Within moments a sizeable puddle has formed and the true beauty of the situation occurs to Hux: Matt, on his hands and knees, _wet._

_Hux, my man, you’_ _re a_ **genius** _._

In the front room, having hidden away the potentially incriminating Blaster, Hux calls the ship’s Maintenance department on his comm.

“This is General Hux. The sink in my 'fresher is leaking, send Matt up to fix it immediately.”

“But, General, sir, that-” the voice on the other end of the line begins to protest, but Hux shuts off the call.

An idea suddenly occurs to him which has him retrieving from a cabinet an unopened bottle of scotch given to him by someone or other when he attained the rank of General; he’ll linger in the doorway while Matt works, making polite conversation, and then when the job is done he’ll invite him to drink with him. _‘_ _Finished already? Thank you, Matt, you’_ _ve worked very hard.’_ (at this point he’ll put his hand on Matt’s shoulder and give it a subtle squeeze) _‘_ _I insist you come and share a drink with me. As a thank you for your efforts.’_

Hux is fetching two glasses when someone buzzes his door. Hurriedly he scrambles to arrange himself sitting in his chair with his boots propped on his desk (and no, _of course_ he didn’t pick this position so as to show off his legs) and grabs a nearby report before pressing the button to open the door. The door slides open and for a moment Hux keeps his head down, pretending to be engrossed in the report, hoping he is exuding an air of diligence and seemingly unintentional allure. Then he lifts his head, smiles his most charming smile and - _oh._

“Who are you?” Hux snaps, harsher than necessary.

The man in his doorway is short and bordering on overweight, his bald head literally shines as it reflects the harsh overhead lights. He blinks, nonplussed, “I’m Steve. I’m here to fix the leak in your sink.”

“And where is Matt? I specifically sent for Matt.”

“Uh, Matt’s a radar tech, he fixes electricals and stuff. This is a job for Sanitation.”

“Oh. Well…go ahead then.”

Steve nods once and disappears through the bedroom and into the 'fresher, the relief to be moving out of the way of the General’s foul mood plainly written on his face.

Hux is seething as he puts the scotch and glasses away, resolving from now on to limit himself to only meddling with electrical equipment. Steve from Sanitation, meanwhile, keeps his head down and fixes the sink faster than Matt has ever fixed anything (not that Hux bothers to notice).

 

**XXX**

Two days later sees Kylo Ren grudgingly attending a meeting to which his presence was demanded by Hux. Over an hour in and it still doesn’t appear to have any end in sight and as far as Kylo can tell there’s nothing he can contribute at all, so therefore Hux had only insisted he attend because he was being an obstinate ass as usual. The colossal prick himself has been droning on now for who knows how long, with maps and graphs projected onto a screen to back up all the inane points he makes.

“On the next graph you’ll see that the majority of-” whatever Hux had been saying is interrupted by the projection of said graph flickering, briefly turning bright pink, and then disappearing completely. Hux, brow furrowed in slight irritation, tries pressing the projector’s power button several times but the machine remains well and truly unresponsive.

Kylo dares to hope that he will call an end to the meeting but no such luck, for the General is pulling out his comm, calling up Maintenance and-

“This is General Hux. Please send Matt up to Conference Room B, the projector has stopped working.”

_Oh, no. Oh, shit._

And Hux just picks up his notes and continues talking like nothing is wrong, like he didn’t just pull the shittiest trick imaginable, his face blank and indifferent as if he isn’t enjoying every second of this.

Kylo’s comm _pings_ and he doesn’t even need to look at it to know that it’s a message telling Matt to get his butt up to Conference Room B to fix Hux’s shitty projector. Well, if General Douchebag wants to play this game right now then Kylo isn’t about to back down. Said douchebag is already looking at him and Kylo doesn’t need to dip into his mind to know what he’s thinking, his sour expression conveys exactly how unprofessional he thinks it is to not put one’s comm on silent whilst in a meeting. Kylo puts his hands on the table and pushes his chair back, every head swings in his direction.

“Going somewhere, _Lord Ren_?” Hux questions, once again managing to make the title sound like an insult.

“I have urgent business. I don’t have time to wait for a broken projector to be fixed.” Kylo ensures his tone is one which invites no further conversation but Hux - stubborn bastard - is not that easily put off.

“We can easily continue the meeting without the use of the projector and come back to the images at the end. The man I’ve requested Maintenance send up is very capable, he’ll have it up and running in no time.”

If Kylo didn’t already know that Hux was mocking him he’d have probably told him that the stuff about “Matt” being capable was the worst lie he’d ever told and that pretty soon everyone at the table was going to see that when “Matt” got here and demonstrated that he didn’t know jack shit about fixing projectors. But then, that was exactly what Hux wanted, to watch Kylo fuck up in front of an audience.

“Reschedule the meeting, Hux. Or are you too proud to admit that you’ve been bested by a machine?”

Hux’s voice is almost eerily calm when he responds, “I shall not reschedule and _you will_ attend this meeting.”

Honestly, Kylo is _this close_ to Force choking the arrogant ginger bastard. But instead he begins to make his way to the door, figuring that he can change quickly and return as Matt (General Douchebag will only call again if he doesn’t turn up), attempt to fix the goddamn projector and then be on his way. Then he feels something pushing at the edges of his mind, someone is thinking something very forcefully in his direction, _intending_ him to overhear.

_If you do not return, Kylo Ren, and I am forced to come looking for you - and believe me I_ **will** _come looking for you - then, with the entire crew to bear witness, I shall drag you myself all the way to the Supreme Leader and have you explain to him personally how your incessant childish_ _behaviour_ _is hindering the First Order’_ _s enterprise._ **Do not** _test me._

This gives Kylo pause. He thinks of his most recent conversation with Snoke, how the Supreme Leader had in no uncertain terms ordered that he was to endeavour to work in harmony with General Hux - Kylo had assumed that the sudden lecture had been prompted by Hux complaining to Snoke in private about his behaviour, now it appears his suspicions were correct.

Hux seems to sense that Kylo is wavering, _I_ _’_ _ll give you ten minutes, Ren. Deal with your_ **business** _and return or else the personnel of this base shall be treated to the sight of the master of the Knights of Ren being manhandled through the corridors._

Kylo leaves the conference room, slamming the door behind him. He knows there’s a maintenance closet a few corridors away where he hid a spare radar tech uniform behind a box of random assorted tools and so he sets off in that direction at a brisk pace. After a quick costume change he’s on his way back to the conference room, toolbox in hand and adjusting his wig as he goes. There hadn’t been a mirror in the closet so he can only hope that no black hair is sticking out.

At the conference room he knocks once on the door and then sticks his head in, “I, uh, got a call about a broken projector?”

And Hux, the slimy git, positively beams, “Ah, Matt. Yes, it’s right here. I’m sure it won’t take you long at all.”

Kylo wants to spit right in his gloating, patronising face. But he doesn’t. Instead he shuffles down to where the projector is standing on the end of the long table and kneels down next to it.

“Well, let’s take a look at it.” he mutters. Kylo turns the projector over and removes the panel underneath, it took a little rummaging around in the toolbox to find the right screwdriver and the tiny screws were very fiddly, but so far so good. Now he’s face to face with a complicated looking circuit board and a mass of wires and has no idea how to proceed.

Hux is suddenly looming right next to him, close enough that the material of his immaculately pressed jodhpurs brushes against the arm of Kylo’s rough overall, “As I was saying, all teams have reported that they are on schedule for the moment but I will be assigning extra people to work on the thermal oscillator in the coming weeks. Colonel Lazar, I want you to undertake all final checks personally, all paperwork which arrives on my desk must have your signature.”

“Understood, General.”

Hux’s lecture continues and Kylo remains on his knees, staring into the projector, hoping for a sudden flash of inspiration. The Force is not forthcoming. He decides instead to subtly comb through Hux’s mind for a possible solution. The man is hailed by the Order as a genius engineer - he designed a goddamn planet which consumes stars and shoots out a death ray - surely he should be able to fix a stupid projector himself. By now the General’s leg is pressed completely against his arm and Kylo can feel the warmth of his flesh beneath the two layers of fabric between them, the physical contact should make it easier to read his thoughts, but he finds Hux too focused on droning on and on about statistics and targets which need to be met. Then he catches an undercurrent of the man briefly wondering if it’s time to make good on his threat to go looking for Ren.

_Shit. Shit shit shit!_

Hux glances down and meets Kylo’s hateful glare with a blithe smile, “How’s it coming along, Matt?”

“I need a special kind of wrench in order to fix this. I’m going to go get that.” he says through gritted teeth, leaving the room before Hux can respond.

Kylo tears through the corridor to the maintenance closet, tugging at and promptly getting tangled in his orange vest as he goes. When he gets there he finds the door open and another radar tech inside, searching through a box of spare parts.

“ **USE ANOTHER CLOSET!** ” Kylo roars, sending the man hurriedly scurrying away.

He finally manages to tear off the vest and is in the process of unzipping his overall when the zip abruptly gets stuck and no amount of furious pulling or swearing has any effect.

“Will you…just…get…FUCKING OFF!” he grunts, pulling his arms out of the sleeves and then shimmying the rest down his hips.

After donning his robes – and accidentally trying to put on his helmet while still wearing Matt’s wig and glasses – he’s once again striding back into the conference room. He’s panting a little with the effort, causing his helmet to make a harsh grating sound and everyone sitting at the table to flinch.

“Ren. How nice that you’ve finally decided to rejoin us.” Hux says pompously, then resumes a boring and needlessly in-depth explanation about the quality of the wires which need to be installed in Sector 15.

The General’s sermon on copper wiring continues for quite some time and Kylo is just beginning to relax and get his breath back when Hux gestures to the broken projector, “I’m afraid we’ll have to wait until Matt returns and this is fixed in order to see the plans of the area in question.”

“Did that guy go to Tatooine to get that wrench or something?” Colonel Kaplan mutters, prompting a ripple of chuckling from the others at the table.

Kylo has to literally grip his own thighs in order to stop himself from climbing over the table and physically strangling the fool, because his offhand joke has prompted Hux to pretend that he’s beginning to wonder about Matt’s long absence too, glancing at his watch then at the door with a puzzled expression. For a brief moment his eyes fix on Kylo too, and oh how Kylo _despises_ the ginger bastard for that smug and knowing look. Upon seeing that the General’s creepy pale and spidery fingers are twitching towards his comm again (no doubt to call up Maintenance to ask where the hell Matt has gotten to) Kylo abruptly stands.

Hux looks as though he’s on the verge of exploding with rage, “Are you _seriously_ trying to leave again, Ren? My God, I didn’t think that you could sink any lower in your unprofessionalism but it appears that I can still be surprised.” he hisses.

_Fuck you, Hux._

“I was merely about to volunteer to go looking for this missing tech of yours.” Kylo grates back.

“Oh, are you, now? Is that so? Well, how very _considerate_ of you. Are you sure you’re not just trying to skip out on the meeting again?”

The people at the table are all palpably uncomfortable now, fearful that Hux is about to antagonise Kylo too far. They studiously avoid making eye contact with either the General or the Knight, shuffling their notes or glancing about the room. Lieutenant Mitaka is seemingly engrossed in plucking at a stray thread upon his left cuff. Kylo briefly picks up on the thoughts of Captain Phasma, who is sitting immediately to his right, she’s idly wondering if perhaps he drank too much caf this morning and has to keep excusing himself in order to relieve himself.

_Fuck you too, Phasma._

“The sooner your damn projector is fixed, the sooner we can end this useless meeting and continue with our days.” Kylo says, his voice tight in an effort to remain calm, “Your tech has probably gotten sidetracked slacking off in the mess talking with friends. I can assure you, General, I _will_ return shortly.”

Without waiting for a reply, Kylo sweeps out the door. He overhears Hux spitting insults he’s never even heard before (probably native to Arkanis) after him in his thoughts but ignores him. The door has barely closed behind him before he’s sprinting through the corridors. He doesn’t even care that everyone, from the officers to the ‘troopers to even the lowliest of cleaners, stops and stares as he races past, robes flapping behind him.

He returns to the conference room not long after, sweaty and breathless, overall zip still stuck halfway down his torso, glasses askew and random wrench in hand.

“Sorry I took so long.” he pants, “Uh, this special wrench. It was…really far away. On another level. Yeah.”

It’s a lame excuse and plainly no one at the table is buying it. Jeez, even _Mitaka_ is looking at him disbelievingly. He keeps his head down and moves to kneel in front of the projector again. He probably should have taken some time while he was in the closet to call Maintenance and ask them to send up someone else. Someone competent at their job who actually knows what they’re doing. But hindsight is a marvelous thing, and Kylo has never been particularly good at thinking logically while he’s angry, and of course Hux is taking great pleasure in riling him up. Then an idea suddenly occurs to him.

“Um, excuse me? I’m sorry but there’s no way I’m going to be able to fix this right now for you. It’s completely wrecked. I’m going to need to take it down to the shop and do a massive overhaul. It could take days. May I suggest you continue your meeting in another room which has a working projector?”

Hux’s eyes go cold and hard, like he’s realised exactly what Kylo is doing, “Never mind. We’ll leave the meeting here and reschedule for another day. It would seem that _Lord Ren_ has gotten his wish after all.”

_Check and mate, motherfucker._

There is a flurry of movement as the officers rise from the table, gather their papers and file out the room. When the door closes behind the last only Kylo and Hux remain. Kylo can feel Hux staring hard at him as he stands hovering over him, watching him pack the tools away. When he looks down to snap the toolbox shut he realises that in his haste to change, he’s returned to the room still wearing his own shiny black boots and not the ugly clunky scuffed things that all the techs wear. And no doubt a man as meticulous and observant as Hux noticed the oversight as soon as he walked in the room. He waits for the General to bring an end to the farce with a smartarse remark.

_Tut, tut, Ren._ _That’s a sloppy mistake you’ve made there._

“Thank you for your efforts, Matt. I’m sorry you went to so much trouble running around trying to find that wrench.”

_Wait,_ **what**?

Kylo stands up and turns to face the General, expecting to come face to face with Hux’s usual smug expression. But instead Hux is licking his bottom lip and looking at him with an expression Kylo can only compare to…hunger?

“Oh, what happened here? Broken zip?” Suddenly Hux is in his face, crowding him back against the conference room table.

“Uh, y-yeah. It happens sometimes w-with these overalls.” Kylo clears his throat nervously.

Hux hums thoughtfully then places the tip of his gloved index finger in the hollow of Kylo’s throat and traces it down, down between his collarbones to the dusting of hair poking out of the neck of the vest he wears, down the centre of his chest to linger where the zip is stuck beneath his navel. 

“Maybe you should take it off.” he breathes in Kylo’s ear, flicking the lobe with his tongue.

“Wh-” Kylo’s question is cut off by Hux crushing his lips against his.

Kylo can’t even think. Hux is kissing him. Hux is _kissing_ him. Pressing in closer to slot a thigh between his legs. Nipping softly at his lower lip. Sliding his hand up Kylo’s nape to tangle his fingers in his hair and tug-

_Oh, fuck._

“…What the hell is this?!” Hux is staring incredulous at the limp yellow hair in his hand.

Kylo finally manages to find his voice, “Hux, what the fuck are you doing?” he hisses.

The General’s face turns red, Kylo can’t tell whether it’s due to rage or embarrassment, “What the fuck am _I_ doing? What the fuck are _you_ doing?! _Ren_? What is this? Some kind of ridiculous elaborate scheme to make a fool of me?”

“Don’t pretend that you’re surprised to see me! You’ve been fucking with me all week. Calling me here, calling me there, calling me when I’m in the same room as you. Did it give you pleasure to watch me struggle with all that electrical shit? To see how clueless I was?”

“I wasn’t calling for _you_ , I was calling for _Matt._ ” Hux snaps.

“Wait. Are you serious? You actually thought Matt was real? You didn’t realise it was me?” Kylo can’t help it, he starts laughing. Hux’s eyes narrow and his lips press into a thin line.

“Shut up, Ren.”

“I thought you were meant to be some kind of genius or something!”

“Here, have your hair back!” Hux throws the wig in Kylo’s face, which only makes him laugh harder.

When he finally calms down the General is looking less furious and more – dare Kylo say it – crestfallen.

“Are you going to tell me what the purpose of all this was?” the man demands.

“We received intelligence that the Resistance have sent a spy to infiltrate the Order. I went undercover so as to get closer to crewmembers and hopefully pick up on any traitorous thoughts.”

“Yes, I imagine playing dress-up and going incognito to catch a spy greatly appealed to your flair for the dramatic.”

Kylo responds to the jibe with one of his own, “So you can be rest assured, General, that it was not my intention to make a fool of you. You did that to yourself.”

Hux groans and rubs his hand down his face, “I don’t suppose there’s any way of making you forget all this?”

“Not a chance. I’m going to be reminding you of this for quite some time!”

“Of course you’ll take great delight in lording this over me. You finally have something on me. But we’re not on equal footing yet, you’ve still done more foolish things than I have.” Hux smirks.

“Tell me, General, why did you want Matt around so much? Why did you want to kiss him?”

Hux colours again and, strangely, Kylo actually finds it rather endearing. Really, it’s only ever been Hux’s personality that Kylo has taken umbrage with, and now that he’s acting all blushy and only making snippy remarks to cover up his embarrassment, Kylo can see why the Order uses him as their attractive poster-boy.

“We are not talking about this.” Hux stammers, turning to leave.

Kylo catches him by the wrist, hauling him back and flipping them around so the General is perched on the end of the table with Kylo between his legs. 

“Ren! What are you-”

Now it’s Kylo’s turn to silence him with his lips, and Hux? There’s no other word for it, he _melts_ into the kiss, bringing his arms up to wrap around Kylo’s shoulders and burying his fingers in his hair – his _real_ hair.

When the Knight begins trailing kisses down his neck Hux groans deep in his chest and brings his hands down to cup his buttocks and squeeze, “I’ve wanted to get my hands on this since the day I first saw it poking out from under a workstation.”

“Ooh, General Hux! I had no idea you’d be so handsy and demanding!” Kylo chuckles.

Hux snorts, “If we’re going to do this, I have one condition,” he nods to the wig lying on the floor, “You’d better keep that around.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Talk to me on Tumblr, maybe?](http://thenameisgreed.tumblr.com/)


End file.
